2/15/15
“Mr. Davis, I’ve called you in to discuss your drug test.”
“But, Mr. Roberts, that testing was sabotaged.”
“Mr. Davis, how could it be? It’s a simple urine check.”
“It was those bagels, sir. The day before that test the break room had several trays of poppy-seed bagels. Everybody was eating them. So of course the surprise drug test the next day showed everyone positive.”
“Now, Mr. Davis. That’s just an urban legend.”
“But look at the results.”
“I am. That’s why you’re here.”
“You’re going to fire me, aren’t you? Like you did all the others.”
“No. I’m offering you a second chance. It would be a set-back for the company to lose everyone. So we’ll keep a few key people. Are you interested?”
“Yes! I can’t afford to lose my job.”
“Good.”
“And, sir, I just want to say I never voted in favor of unionizing the shop”
“I didn’t ask about that.”
“I know. But I wanted to mention it, voluntarily.”
“That’s fine. Now, there will be a few changes to your work status.”
“What kind of changes?”
“For one thing you’ll be on conditional employment for a while.”
“I’m losing all my seniority and security?”
“You could refuse our offer and try somewhere else.”
“No, they’d likely feel I’m too close to retirement. I’ll take your offer.”
“Good. We also have to reduce your pay.”
“What?! Ahem, uh, I mean, how much?”
“Ten percent.”
“Anything else?”
“You need to take on a few extra duties now that we’re short handed. But if you complete the probation period, we’ll see about a pay boost.”
“Will I then get the ten percent back?”
“Oh, no. It won’t be that much. It’ll be based on how well you do your job.”
“Thank you, sir. May I go now?”
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