4/7/15
“So, Mister, um, let’s see, Billy Green. Why would you like to work for us?”
“I was just driving by and saw your ‘Help Wanted’ sign.”
“Uh, huh. Well this is a great career choice for a young man like yourself. If you work hard and stick with it, after a few years you might even become an assistant manager. Would you like that?”
“Maybe eventually. But for now I just need something for the summer. I start college in the Fall. I got a football scholarship from State.”
“Football, huh? Well you certainly have the physique for it. But you can do both, go to college and work for us. The head of Bunrift Incorporated, that’s our parent company, also started as a convenience store clerk fifty years ago, and now he’s the CEO.”
“Yeah, whatever. So does that mean I get the job?”
“Yes. One of our clerks left suddenly and we’re short-handed. So I need you to start tonight, the graveyard shift.”
“Tonight? Graveyard? What’s that?”
“Oh, that’s from 11:00 p.m. to 7:00 a.m. It’s the least busy time, so it’s good for beginners.”
“But isn’t it dangerous? You know, robberies and such?”
“No-o-o. That’s just a myth. Besides a big guy like you doesn’t need to be afraid of anything. C’mon. Let me show you around the store and how to work the cash register.”
“This seems awful quick.”
“You’ll do fine. Only the first three hours will you have a few customers. The next three hours will be no one at all. You use that time to mop the store and wipe down the display cases. The final two hours you just put on some fresh coffee and set out the donuts for customers stopping in on their way to work. It’s very easy. Then I’ll be in to relieve you at 7:00.”
“I’ll give it a try.”
“Good boy. Just a couple more things to remember. First, don’t let anyone use the bathrooms. The people who come in that time of night are usually drunk. And if they use the bathroom, they make a big mess.”
“What if somebody really has to go?”
“Tell them it’s broken. Second, don’t sell any beer or wine after 3:00 a.m.”
“Why? Doesn’t the law say 4:00 a.m.?”
“Yes. But our policy is to stop an hour early. One time a couple of years ago we got fined for accidentally selling alcohol a few minutes past the hour. So now we stop well in advance.”
“Doesn’t that make people mad? They come in while there’s still time, but we don’t sell it.”
“Yeah, some people get upset; especially if they’ve already been drinking. But just send them to that other convenience store a mile down the road.”
“What do I do if …”
“Sorry, but things are getting busy now. I’ll talk to you more when I come in tomorrow morning. Just show up tonight at 10:45 and tell the girl working then that you’re the new clerk. I’ll let her know to expect you.”
– – x x x – –
“Good morning, Billy. So, how was your first night?”
“Fine, sir. I think I’m catching on.”
“I knew you would. Did everything go like I told you?”
“Yes, pretty quiet, mostly. Except for one guy that came in around 3:30. He wanted to buy a six-pack, but I told him you wouldn’t allow it. He asked when you’d be in, so I told him this morning after 7:00.”
“Thanks a lot.”
“But I don’t think he’ll really come back. He then asked to use the bathroom and I again told him no. That’s when he got really mad. But he didn’t do anything; he just left.”
“I see. Well, you did pretty good. There’s more to learn, but you’ll pick it up.”
“Oh, I forgot to ask yesterday. How much is the pay?”
“Well, to start with you’ll only make minimum wage. But after a couple of months, once you’re fully trained, you can switch to one of the day shifts. Those times are much busier, so you’d get a raise of twenty cents per hour.”
“And when’s pay day?”
“Paychecks come out every other Friday. But before you get your first check you’ll have to go to the regional office up in Miltown for a polygraph test.”
“A lie-detector test? Why do I need to take one of those? I haven’t done anything wrong.”
“Oh, it’s just a routine screening. You can go on Friday, that way you can wait for your check while you’re there.”
“Wait for it?”
“Well, after they calculate your hours they’ll have to deduct the fee for the polygraph test. It’s only a hundred dollars.”
“What?! You mean I have to pay for my own screening? For a minimum wage job?”
“Of course. Oh, before you clock out, go into the store room and get that little shovel where the brooms and mops are. I need you to go out to the corner of the parking lot. There’s a big pile of human excrement. Just scoop it up and throw it in the dumpster. Okay? Oh, and don’t forget to wipe the shovel in the grass afterwards. That’s a good boy.”
“Um, this job isn’t what I was looking for. I think I’m just going to do another summer of mowing lawns instead. Thanks anyway. Bye.”
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