US Customs Service
Box Z
Washington, D.C.
Nicholas StClaus
Santa’s Workshop
North Pole, Arctic Circle
Dear Mr. StClaus:
Our agency has been asked to open an investigation into your business
operations to determine the legality of several of your practices.
We would like for you to come to our offices and answer a few
questions which may clear up this matter without further inquiry.
Be advised, however, that although no charges are pending currently,
this may change dependent upon your responses. Therefore, you may
wish to obtain legal counsel to accompany you. Also, bring any
documentation which may support your activities regarding the
following issues:
1. There is evidence of billions of dollars worth of merchandise
flowing through your factory, yet no income tax returns have been
filed.
2. You employ several thousands of workers, yet none of them are
documented. Further, no taxes or social security withholdings have
been submitted on their behalf.
3. There are reports of animal cruelty and overwork at your facility.
Eight tiny reindeer are forced to pull excessively heavy loads all
the way around the world in a single night.
4. There are also reports that one of the animals is subjected to a
hostile work environment due to a physical disability with his nose.
He is suffering from name calling as well as exclusion from games and other
social activities.
Please be at our offices by 9:00 a.m. on December 23, so we can
determine if you may continue your operations, or if an emergency
stop-work order shall be imposed.
Sincerely,
Agent Jacob Marley
COPYRIGHT PROTECTED
