Audi approached the department store return counter and set down the bag he held. The florescent light overhead was partially burned out and flickering, leaving this area darker than the rest of the store. Considering his task, he was glad for the effect.
Once the clerk greeted him he quickly glanced around, then pulled the item out of the bag. He saw her eyes laughing, although she managed to stifle a snort.
“Yeah,” he said to her. “I had the same reaction. It’s from my brother-in-law. I’ve been trying to teach him about smart business, but this is what he comes up with.”
The oxford shirt could have looked nice if it were a different color. But this one was magenta, a very vivid magenta; and above the pocket was a large crest which was predominantly chartreuse.
“It’s not too bad,” said the clerk. “Especially if you coordinate it right.”
“That’s what my wife said. But no, I can’t wear this thing. So I’d like to exchange it for something more my style.”
“You’d like an exchange rather than a refund?”
“Yeah. I use dress shirts for work. And according to the tags he spent more than fifty bucks on this. So for that amount I should be able to find something nice.”
“Alright, I’ll need the receipt please.”
“Well, that’s the thing; I don’t have the receipt. It was a gift. But all the tags are still on it. My brother-in-law didn’t bother to take them off. So you can see it came from this store and how much it cost.”
“Let me scan it and see.” The clerk waved an infrared wand over the tag which held several barcodes, then looked at her register. “I’m sorry sir, this shirt hasn’t been paid for.”
“What do you mean?” asked Audi. “My brother-in-law said he bought it. Maybe he got it at one of your other stores.”
“No, sir. All our locations tie into a central database to keep track of our stock. That way we not only know how many of a particular item we have, we also know which stores they’re at.”
“But that would just be types of things, wouldn’t it?”
“No. The system gives a unique barcode to every individual item. And the computer shows this item was received into stock but has never been sold. I’m sorry, but I’m going to have to report this.”
“Wait. Let me call my brother-in-law. He can clear this up.”
Audi turned away from the counter and pulled out his cell phone. At the same time the clerk began making a call from the phone at the end of her counter. A moment later Audi heard a familiar voice.
“Jimmy, is that you? Hey, it’s Audi. Listen, do you still have the receipt for that shirt you bought me? I’m at the department store to do an exchange.”
“Nah, man, I don’t,” said Jimmy. “Actually I didn’t get it from that store on the label. I wanted you to think I went to a fancy store since you always say I’m cheap. But I can’t afford to pay that kind of price, so I got it from this guy I know. Maybe you’d better not try taking it back to the store.”
“You idiot! I should’ve known better.”
Audi turned back to the counter with his most charming smile. But it fell almost instantly as he saw that two security guards had come up while he was on the phone.
“Sir, could you come with us, please?” said the larger one.
“What for?” Audi’s voice cracked.
“Oh, just a little matter of shoplifting and refund fraud,” the shorter guard said, picking up the offending shirt.
As full realization of the situation hit, terror clutched Audi’s heart and made his legs weaken. Seeing him wobble, the larger guard took his elbow in a firm grip and led him to the security room.
= = = = =
Audi sat in an institutional-green consulting room at the jail while his public defender sat at the other end of an off-white formica table completing paperwork for the arraignment. Audi used the room’s desk phone to call his wife.
“Hi, Siena, it’s me.”
“Oh, honey, how are you holding up?” she asked.
“Have you talked to your brother? Will he tell the court he’s the one who got the shirt?”
“I’m sorry. The thing is, Jimmy’s been arrested twice already. And for both of those the, um, adjudication was withheld. But that’s only so long as he stays out of trouble. If he confessed to this and they decided to arrest him for it, then he’d be looking at twenty years.”
“I don’t care! He’s the one that did it, not me.”
“But, honey, for you this is a first offense. My brother said they’ll let you off with just probation, and probably even less. It will likely be a withheld sentence which drops off as soon as you do some community service.”
“I don’t want community service; and I don’t want probation. I didn’t do anything wrong! Let your brother go to jail. He’s a loser, and always will be until he learns to be smart in business, like me.”
“But twenty years would kill him. Think of someone besides yourself for once.”
“Fine!” Audi took a deep breath before speaking. He didn’t want to upset the only one helping him. “I’ll wait a little longer and see how this shapes up. But did you get me a better lawyer yet? These public defender guys, well, I can’t, well they’re overloaded with cases.”
“No, I’m sorry. I asked my realtor, but we only deal with real estate attorneys, not ones in criminal law. He said the good ones cost a bundle, but he’ll try to get me a couple of names by tomorrow.”
“Tomorrow? I have to stay here another night?”
“Have you asked your boss?” she asked. “He’s well connected with all those rich people and trusts he handles.”
“I was hoping not to tell him about this.”
“I don’t know. He’ll find out anyway. Wouldn’t it be better if he heard it from you?”
“Yeah,” Audi answered. “Maybe you’re right.”
“Okay, honey. I love you.”
“Yeah, ok. Bye.” Audi hung up.
Seeing the public defender still working on forms he decided to make a second call. His boss was the head of a large real estate investment trust and Audi was one of his property managers.
“Hello, Mr. Scalzitti? This is Audi. How are you today, sir?”
“Audi, what’s going on?” his boss asked.
“Well, sir, I need a little help, please. I was wondering if you know any good criminal attorneys.” Then added quickly, “Not that I’m implying you would ever need one.”
“I see. Is this related to your arrest yesterday?”
“What?! How did you, um. Yes, sir. It’s only a big misunderstanding. But I think I’ll need an attorney with good connections.”
“I’m sorry, Audi,” said his boss. “I can’t help you. You’ve been on thin ice for quite some time now. And this arrest just …”
“What do you mean thin ice?” Audi interrupted.
“The way you’ve been handling your portfolio. You’re upsetting tenants in every complex. You’re rude to the clients, even belittling them over minor issues. And you’ve rushed through several evictions.”
“That’s just smart business, sir.”
“No, it’s not smart business; as I’ve told you before. A property manager must keep his portfolio producing good profits for the owners he represents. But you’ve let several properties sit vacant too long. And by not following proper procedure, you’ve exposed us to some wrongful eviction liability.”
“I’m sorry, sir. I’m trying to improve. But can’t we talk about it after I get out, uh, get back to work?”
“No, I’m afraid not. Word of your conduct has made its way to the investors, and they’ve complained to corporate. I covered for you as long as I could, but now things are out of my hands. This arrest was the last straw.”
“What does that mean?” Audi’s stomach fell.
“That means you don’t work for us any longer. Sorry. I need to go, I’m late for a meeting. Goodbye.”
Audi heard the call disconnect before he could respond, and the green walls began closing in.
The public defender closed the folder in front of him, then clicked his pen and put it in his pocket. He smiled as he stood. “Don’t worry, this should be routine. I don’t think the governor’s shoplifting crackdown will affect your case.” He knocked on the door.
“Governor’s shoplifting what?” Audi asked.
But before his defender could answer, the door swung open. The defender walked out quickly, and a guard entered to escort Audi back to his cell.
= = = = =
The trial was held in the courthouse annex, an old building with ancient fixtures and reeking of mildew. Things didn’t go well and Audi nearly collapsed as the verdict was read. The sentence was twelve months of prison, followed by three years of probation. Then when he looked back at Siena to see her reaction, he could have sworn her eyes were glittering.
The judge granted the public defender’s request to allow Audi a final few minutes with his family before being taken down. They then stood around the defense table in the emptying courtroom. Siena spoke first.
“I know this is tough for you,” she said. “So I have a little good news to cheer you up. Jimmy got a job.” Audi didn’t say anything so she continued. “Your boss called about picking up your laptop and files. Then when he came by, Jimmy was there and they got along great. He’s going to start Jimmy as an assistant property manager, then move him up once he learns what to do.”
“Jimmy took my job?! But why’d Mr. Scalzitti even think of him? He looks like a bum.”
“Oh, Jimmy’s looking a lot better ever since I gave him some of your old clothes. I’ve also been letting him use my car. It’s amazing how much nice clothes and a good car have improved his outlook.”
“You gave him your Lexus? Then what are you driving?”
“I drive your BMW now. It shouldn’t sit parked, you know. And it’s a great look for a real estate agent.”
“My Beemer?” Audi couldn’t hold it any longer. “Siena, help me! I want to file an appeal.”
“Ok, but before we talk about that there’s some other business to take care of,” she said. “I need you to sign these papers for the house.”
Audi glanced over the forms, then looked up puzzled. “But this takes my name off the house and puts it in your name only.”
“Since you won’t be helping pay the mortgage, I need to refinance. And since you can’t pass a credit check now, it has to be in just my name.”
Not seeing any option he bit his lip and signed where she pointed. “Now can we talk about my appeal?”
“I already looked into it, just in case,” she said. “An appeal requires a private attorney instead of a public defender, and they don’t come cheap.”
“So what!” Audi nearly shouted. “Take the money from our savings account.”
“I will. But I need something from you in return,” she said.
Audi looked at her intently. His sense of foreboding was tingling.
“I need you to sign something else.” She said, placing a packet on the table.
He glanced it over, then his eyes shot back to her. “But, these are divorce papers!”
“Yes, an uncontested divorce. You sign that and I’ll hire you an appeal attorney.”
“How can you do this to me? You and your brother both. How?”
“We’re just doing what you’ve told us to do so often — it’s smart business.”
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