Chapter 8: A Personal Account
“My BHS Experience”
** The following is a first-hand account of one individual’s experiences immediately preceding and following his receiving of the Baptism of the Holy Spirit. **
While attending Pastor Nick’s seminar I came to understand that there must be more to a relationship with Christ than I had already experienced. He kept referring to something called the Baptism of the Holy Spirit (BHS); and although I didn’t have a clear picture of just what that meant, what little I did seem to grasp sounded great. I really wanted to have the BHS that he was talking about.
I kept taking the seminar over and over; I studied hard, and I tried to change everything in my life that I could. Every so often I would ask myself, “Do I have the HS yet? I guess I do; I know He is working in me. He must be there.” Intellectually I knew He was helping me … . But I was expecting to feel something; and I didn’t really feel much different. Surely there must be more to it, because Pastor Nick seemed to be describing something perceptible.
I read repeatedly all the promises about God giving us the HS — Mt 3:11; Lk 11:13; Jn 1:12; Ro 8:32; Ga 3:26-27; Ph 1:6; 2 Pe 1:4. Thus I knew God was willing to give it. And I sure wanted it. Therefore, since it wasn’t coming, I must be doing something wrong.
I recalled Is 59:2, “Your sins have hidden His face from you.” So I took an hour of quiet time and began praying for forgiveness. I confessed everything that I was aware of. Then I asked God, “Is everything OK between us?” The answer was a clear, “No.” I’m not sure how I heard it; but I had no doubt He was answering me. I searched for unconfessed sins; praying about everything I could think of. Then I asked, “How about now?” … “No.” I kept this up until I started getting frustrated.
When we review our lives for sins, we usually don’t need to try to find things from years ago and long forgotten. We must search for sins that are still “active”, yet not recognized by us. Since I was having difficulty finding what was keeping me separated from God, I claimed a promise for God to help me remember. We read in Ja 1:5.“If anyone lacks wisdom, ask the Lord who gives generously.” After using this verse, I finally remembered a grudge I was still holding from an argument a couple of years earlier; I then confessed that argument and asked God to remove from me the feelings I held.
That was it; that was the last obstacle! When I asked God, “Is everything alright between us now?”, I received a “Yes!”, and was sure all was OK. 1 Jn 1:9. “If we confess our sins, He is faithful to forgive us.” A strong feeling of Peace confirmed what my conscience was saying; I was clean! Later that evening as I was again in prayer, I received the BHS.
That evening as I was in prayer, I had been thinking, “Now that all is forgiven there’s no reason for me to not receive the HS.” Then the thought came into my mind, seeming to whisper, “You already have it.” I started to doubt this idea, but then another verse came to me; He 11:6, “Without faith it’s impossible to please God.” So I told myself to believe it. I repeated aloud, “I have it!” Then as I said this with firmness and conviction, a feeling of joy came over me. I became aware that He was there. Yes, He had been there all along, but now He was tangible! I could feel in my body that He was with me. I was overwhelmed with feelings of acceptance and happiness. The apostle Peter describes a similar feeling in 1 Pe 1:8-9, “You love Him and believe in Him, and are filled with inexpressible and glorious joy.”
I sat there enjoying this new communion with God for several hours. Then when I went to bed, I fell asleep in His joy. The next morning I still felt it, and was very happy with the thought that it would go with me throughout the day. However, when I got home from work and looked inside to feel it again, it was gone. “Oh, no!”, I thought. “How could I have lost it so quickly when I had wanted it so much and had tried so hard to get it?” I searched my mind for what I had done wrong that day and confessed all that day’s sins. Once I had asked forgiveness for everything the HS returned. “Whew!” That experience of loss scared me. From then on I began checking frequently throughout the day, “Jesus are you there?” I wanted to be sure not to lose Him again. I could feel Him now and I wanted to keep this awareness.
It then occurred to me to start using this presence as a learning tool. Whenever I looked to see if He was there, if I didn’t get an affirmative answer, I would search my mind. Once the offense was recognized and confessed, the HS would return. By noticing what things would cause Him to draw away, I was able to learn what pleased Him and what didn’t. I would then adjust my actions accordingly.
I also came to understand that we don’t have to conquer all Sins to receive BHS; we just have to keep confessing them. He’ll remove them for us. I learned that as old sins would come to mind, I should acknowledge and confess them; and check if that desire was still active.
Over the subsequent weeks, I found several things that I had to keep confessing repeatedly. I didn’t want to keep doing these things, but I couldn’t control them. So I asked God to remove those desires. God takes us through a process wherein He transforms us and sins become less attractive. First “Big” sins go, then “Small” ones (as we gauge them). It took several months, but eventually nearly all desire for sin was gone. “Praise God.”
Next I began working on conquering the things I was still doing out of habit rather than compulsion — unhealthy foods, too much TV, negative feelings, etc. I didn’t feel a craving for them, but I had done them so long, they kept reoccurring almost automatically. Little by little these too were changed.
In trying to keep my mind connected to God, I found it helped me keep connected if I envisioned Christ sitting on His throne. It was even more helpful if I envisioned Him enthroned in my heart. Ever since receiving the BHS, I know I’m now a Child of Heaven, and may approach with my requests. Ga 3:26-27, “You are all sons of God through faith in Christ Jesus, for all of you who were baptized into Christ have clothed yourselves with Christ”; He 4:16, “Let us come boldly to the throne of grace, so we may obtain mercy and find grace in time of need.” Children do not need to fear approaching a loving Father and asking for good things. It’s only when we’re separated from Him and afraid to call Him Father that we find it difficult to make requests.
It takes vigilance to keep from grieving the HS away. Make every effort to listen when He tells you what you should do and not do. Stop and listen for His presence the first thing every morning, and ask Him to be with you all day. More than that, check for His presence every hour; and even more often if you can.
In my experience, I received the BHS late one night. It was wonderful and I stayed up as long as I could enjoying this new communion with Him. But at last it got to where I couldn’t keep my eyes open, so I went to bed. The next morning, the first thing I did was to check to see if He was still there; and He was. So I enjoyed His presence all the way to work. Once I was on the job, however, I became preoccupied with the day’s tasks, and didn’t take time to check on the HS. Even on the way home from work my mind was busy reviewing the day’s events and making plans for the next day. It wasn’t until after dinner when I sat down to relax that I tried to get in touch with the feelings I had enjoyed the night before. But the feeling was gone. “Oh, no! Had I lost the HS after just one day?!” I began going over all that had happened that day; and I realized I had not tried to be with Him all day. So I prayed for forgiveness for that. Then I checked for His presence again: still not there. I continued searching my mind and remembered getting mad at some situations and a few other things; so I confessed them. I checked again: still no presence. Now I was getting desperate. I didn’t want to lose Him. I made a pledge that I would be more careful not to neglect our relationship like that again; I would check for His presence periodically throughout the day; every day. And as I was resolving to do this and praying for help to actually carry it out, His presence came back. I was so relieved!
After my experience with nearly losing the HS through neglect, I learned the importance of keeping my mind turned to Him as much as possible. I made a decision that I wanted to turn my mind to God during every free moment so I could maintain our relationship and grow spiritually. But despite my good intentions I found it very hard to do.
For one thing, when I was at work free moments didn’t seem to come along very often. For another thing, when they did it was hard to stay focused on God. I would start thinking of Him and try to start praying, but my mind would wander. It’d be like this: “‘Dear Lord, please help my brother …’ Hm, I wonder how he’s doing today. I should call him later. Oh, that reminds me, I also need to call about that check that didn’t arrive. Now what was I doing? Oh, yeah; praying. ‘Dear Lord, please help my brother …’” It was frustrating. I really wanted to spend time with God, but it was hard.
Then I tried two things that I found to be helpful. During that same period I learned that fasting can help your spiritual life. So I decided to try fasting one day a week. And it really did help a lot. On the days I fasted I found I could focus my mind on spiritual things much easier. (And my wife didn’t mind if I lost a couple of pounds either.) So I decided to continue doing that regularly. But I made sure to keep the right attitude. I didn’t want it to just become a formalistic ritual trying to gain God’s favor by works. I kept in mind that it was just to help me concentrate more effectively on my spiritual growth.
The other thing I began doing was making a concerted effort to find time to spend with God throughout the day. Working people often take a five minute break each hour to do various personal things — have a smoke, get a drink, go to the bathroom, and so on; so I decided I would take a break every hour and spend it in communion with God. Once I had done this enough that it had become a habit, it then became much easier to maintain my relationship with God and to keep the presence of the HS within me.
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